It's a damn cold night...

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
いつか失ってしまうのかな。薄れてゆく笑顔と君を守りたい。
-- D-technolife

If fate is a wheel, then we are the sand that is crushed between the cogs.

Don't judge a life by one difficult season.

独自并不代表孤单,在一群人中狂笑着有时更寂寞。
-- 吴庆康

At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.
-- Deepak Chopra
于是我让孤独更孤独,有一种不是悲伤的悲伤,才是刻骨铭心的悲伤。
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.
-- St Francis.
People's actions are influenced by their expectations. People respond not just to what is happening now, but to what they anticipate will happen in the future.
-- Sloman
不管你会不会忘了我,我只想告诉你一个秘密。
--《不能说的·秘密》

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind.
-- Deepak Chopra

The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death but when I stand in front of you yet you don't know that I love you.
-- Tagore
Do do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.
-- Matt 6:34

まだ不器用に笑うね まだ悲しみが似合うから
キミに降る痛みを 拭ってあげたい すべて I for you
-- I For You

the optimistic pessimist

supposedly an adult, she thinks like an adult (too much, if you ask me). deep inside, she is nothing but a little girl, with her little lofty dreams and ideals. and oops, she is breaking them, one by one.
more often than not, she is just an angsty emo kid.

she is only but
a passer-by,

an onlooker,
a walking shadow.

and this girl can't stop writing.

she stalks

|| cyn bea bao zou mel ||
|| joan weepz ||
|| blockc yeanching lehia kexi zhenlin horace alvin dina sandra becca tzehee ||
|| cruzteng peifen dasmondkoh ||
|| xiaozhu xiaogui sunxiezhi ashin kangyong ||
|| derrick jinglun stefsun natho lawrencewong ||
|| feliciachin joannepeh jeanetteaw sharonaw ||
|| xiaohan hyr chimkang mingde dannyyeo ||
|| xuyunling alvinology mrbrown esther ||
|| drbondar psychdigest ||
|| kfdrawing iwrotethisforyou thingsweforget ||

After all, what is in the past but what we choose to remember? They can choose not to hide it, to take what's broken, to feel the pain and know that it will heal. They know where happiness lies, not in a cave or a country, but in love and the freedom to give and take what has been there all along.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

she watches on

Others desire to experience the blessedness of giving, but we often frustrate them by refusing their help.


“你有心事吗?”
“或许有一天,我会告诉你吧。”
--《不能说的·秘密》

she holds on

 Memories were also a way of looking in a mirror, but it was a jagged mirror of broken glass, one that cast imperfect reflections. Like shards, these memories drew blood.

February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 July 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 April 2017 May 2017 August 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 April 2018 June 2018 July 2018 September 2018 October 2018 November 2018 December 2018 February 2019 April 2019 June 2019 August 2019 October 2019 December 2019 January 2020 February 2020 March 2020 April 2020 May 2020 July 2020 November 2020 February 2021 April 2021 July 2021 September 2021 November 2021 March 2022

she never gets

永远不会交的功课 || 永远不会实现的愿望

|| you ||

Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself... Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.
-- Deepak Chopra

she thanks

Designer : Wei Jun
Brushes : Deviantart - Spy Glass

I don't know, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm a pair of eyes and ears, and I'm just trying to stay safe and make sense of what's happening. I know what to avoid, what to worry about.I'm like those kids who live with gunfire going off around them. I don't want pain. I don't want to die. I don't want to see other people around me die. But I don't have anything left inside me to figure out where I fit in or what I want. If I want anything, it's to know what's possible to want.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Monday, May 31, 2004
withers away @ 10:16 pm

ok i got my new layout up, all thanks to our dear pet zou.. thanks dear.. now i got to settle some other small stuff about my html. so can't blog much now. but anyway hols have started and i've been slacking around, so there isn't much to say.
shi ni tian man wen nuan
rang meng xiang you le chi bang
jiao wo ru he kong zhi feng de fang xiang
rang wo mei yi tian neng fei dao geng yuan de di fang

bu neng he ni yi qi by sun yanzi

It's something Mystical

Saturday, May 29, 2004
withers away @ 9:56 pm

oh wellz. thurs the whole complete gang of 8 went to kap to rot. and eat. but there are some muggers there also while the rest of us were. i dunno what. laughing over some stuff. before hsien wen (guitar vp) msg me and got me stressed up again about ticketing stuff. then started to get bad tempered like again for the i dunno how many freaking times already. sorry ppl.. then later met up with hito together with lao gong to eat icecream. oh man it was nice. and we had a nice laugh too. haha.
ytd was canoris (music night). all that i was working for throughout i don't know how long. before that lg and i met up with hito again to eat lunch. cheryl (guitar pres) called me to ask me to pass her the tickets and i got "scolded" for leaving school. sort of spoilt my mood. but anyway. we managed to sell all the tickets, when just a few days ago i was so stressed over the 21 left over tickets we had. stressed for nothing man. damnit. but anyway backstage was quite screwed, though hito said it wasn't. i still think it's quite screwed. esp before the guitar band. oh my. there were just too many things to carry for the drum set and too many stuff too set up. and we girls couldn't do anything but just stand and look. they were trying to keep quiet too. but anyway everything is over now and i think it was still ok. phew.
finally met up with hito these 2 days. i'm so glad he's doing fine. more or less at least.
today's flag day. nothing much happened. my can was so heavy unlike the flag day in sec 2, which i don't want to remember about.
and el don't feel lousy. it's not that u are lousy or anything like that. don't blame yourself k.
i think i hope everyone is feeling more or less fine. i'm still a little worried. but i think mood flucutations won't be that bad now. i hope. i pray.
so i say a little prayer
hope my dreams will bring me there
where the skies are blue
to see you once again

my love by westlife

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, May 26, 2004
withers away @ 4:45 pm

now i'm in the library.. rotting until i have to go for a briefing by yiming.. wonder how did i end up being such a prominent character in guitar. but anyway now i'm the backstage coordinator too. tried to push the job away but couldn't. i just hope this week passes quickly. every day is so dreaded.
later going to have music night rehearsal. i just hope everything runs smoothly and i can finish my work. it's really quite interesting to see how things work backstage. i never really understood how difficult handling backstage stuff would be until i was the coordinator yesterday. i used to be a performer so all i saw was people scrambling in and out with chairs and stuff. now i'm in it. haha so miraculous.
oh yah finally our pw proposal was approved!!!! yeah!!! now we can finally start on some stuff proper.. but before long, we ended up discussing what english name would suit barney.. thought of many names even some like pitt tan and hoone tan. wahahaha. i wonder how did we come up with all these. but like i said long time ago i love pw sessions because i just love my pw group!:D
i want to go out in the june hols. to play. with the zoo, with cyn, with s27 1st intake, current s27.. don't think it's possible at all. would just probably meet barney casie and joanne all the time. hahaz.
it's about time to go..
hao xiang zhe yang bao zhe ni
wo zhi dao ni xian zai shang xin
xiang you ren pei ni
zhi shi ru ci er yi

zhi neng bao zhe ni by fish

It's something Mystical

withers away @ 12:37 am

i think everyone is damn stressed and just in a bad mood nowadays. i still keep hitting people. if i could i would have bashed them up. most of my stuff will be over when hols start. everyone is praying for hols to come. i have so many damn things to do today. i just hope everything is going to go on fine. although nothing seems to be going on fine now.
cyn dear control control.. i know you are trying..
joan dear relac k.. i guess i stress you out by being stressed too.. haiz.. sorry dear..
i know everyone is trying to help me while i try to help everyone. at least i know i do provide help for people and it's always great hear the thank yous. thank you everyone for letting me help you:)
ok loads of crap. i better do econs before i fail the test. and oh yah i failed my maths test. as expected.

When you get caught in the rain with no where to run
When you're distraught and in pain without anyone
When you keep crying out to be saved
But nobody comes and you feel so far away
That you just can't find your way home
You can get there alone
It's okay, what you say is

Chorus:
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

And if you keep falling down don't you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound, so keep pressing on steadfastly
And you'll find what you need to prevail
What you say is

Chorus

And when the rain blows, as shadows grow close don't be afraid
There's nothing you can't face
And should they tell you you'll never pull through
Don't hesitate, stand tall and say

Chorus

I can make it through the rain
And I live once again
And I live one more day
And I can make it through the rain
(Yes you can)
You will make it through the rain
through the rain by mariah carey

It's something Mystical

Thursday, May 20, 2004
withers away @ 9:36 pm

i have so many things to do! but i'm thankful that at least guitar tickets are more or less settled. just that i need to think about what to do with leftover tickets. and i'm trying to do stupid damn bio tys on cell division. i haven't even read through the notes. damn it. nvm. and i need to do gp essay too. chem tut haven't finish. and we are going to discuss pw over msn. haiz. today we had class lunch which was v fun!! hahaz. asking lame qns and stuff. but it was too short of course, but we had to go back to do pw. in the end nothing was done. we just came up with many suggestions and refuted them all. after pw we went to sl to rot. didn't want to go home. oh my i'm addicted to the feeling of staying in sch late to rot.
i believe in karma what you give is what you get returned
i believe you can't appreciate real love untill you've been burned
i believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
i believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

affirmation by savage garden

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, May 19, 2004
withers away @ 11:45 pm

i realized i didn't write about loads of things. ok shall blog about college day today. haha. nothing much happened. just that me, lao gong, el and bea went to buy guitar tuner and picks. then went ps and heerens. met lao gong's mum. ok that wasn't a nice experience at all. then went to sch. wanted to play bball but ended up not playing. helped out by selling drinks. wow it was damn fun actually hahaz. lk lao gong n me. all the drinks were sold out! hahaz. but cyn and hito didn't come in the end. but ch came. and everyone made such a great hulabaloo. oh my. but anyway went to kap later. lk and i attempted to do some pw. lk ended up playing cards. hahaz.
today was the track and field meet. ended up discussing pw. but not for long. basically was trying to generate ideas.. and we all seriously think that we are meeting one another really a lot. casie said that we meet one another more than she sees her mum!! lolz.. didn't watch many events.. but terra was so enthu about cheerleading. we all thought we were going to get something like 2nd coz we knew how much hard work they put in and it was really good. but turned out to be 4th. i wonder what the hell happened. all of us were complaining. haiz. so sad man. :'(
there's a danger in loving somebody too much
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
there's a reason why people don't stay where they are
baby sometimes love just ain't enough

sometimes love just ain't enough by sun yanzi

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, May 18, 2004
withers away @ 11:41 pm

got no time these few days. feel quite sad about that. i'm supposed to do chem and gp now.. and i haven't done the next tut for maths.. hope he doesn't go through tml.. if not i will just die.. but anyway i feel less stressed today since i've given out all the tix. i just need to wait for them to sell the tix and get the tix and i give the money to the teacher and my job is done! that's it! yeah! ok i think i'm just going mad hahahaz. ok i guess i better go do work now before my mum kills me:P

haha i've given up on chem. not that i don't know how to do. in fact i know how to do it. but i just don't feel like doing it. and i think he will go through it tml. just pray hard that he won't call me to present the answers.
well maybe i've learnt the fact that some stuff need not be taken too seriously or whatsoever. or maybe i'm just lazy and looking for an excuse. but seriously if things can just get by, why not?
heard this on 93.3 just now. copied it down somewhere. oh i think it's my econs tys. haha.
giving up doesn't mean that you are weak.
giving up only means that you are strong enough to let go.
true.
dang gan qing shi wei yi jie bu kai de jie
er ren ai ting shei shang le shei
wo yuan shi feng zhong
piao ran qing luo de ye

wo wu suo wei by a*mei

It's something Mystical

Monday, May 17, 2004
withers away @ 12:10 am

these few days i know my mood hasn't been good at all. i'm sorry for those times when i flared up for nothing, hit you all for nothing and whatnots. i just have too many things to handle now. i'm in a bad mood perpetually everyday. so damn irritable. i'm sorry.
xin qing you yi dian mo ming de jiao zao
ni li wo yue yuan yue hao
wai mian you ju se de jia zhou yang guang
wo zue duo zai zi ji gu du de hei dong
wo zhi you yi ge xiao xiao de yao qiu
jiu shi qing ni leave me alone

hei se liu ding by tao zhe

It's something Mystical

Friday, May 14, 2004
withers away @ 11:16 pm

ok i'm starting to get stressed up again.. our pw isn't going v well and so now i'm going to do research on it. somehow. we really need to get something done. haiz.
tml is college day! i hope it's going to be fun. and after that all of us just slack around. i need to relax.
for quite a long time i've been so busy there's not much time for myself. how sad. and ticketing is so screwed up. oh no. nvm i'll make it somehow. what choice do i have anyway?
but something good happened today. el finally finally gave me my belated birthday prezzie! it's a pair of nice earings.. it's the 3rd one she's gotten me.. the 1st is still with her senior, the 2nd in her dad's car. so i'll get 3 prezzies this year muahahaha i don't care.:P
whatever the case i need to go and research now. getting late.
so let me come to you
close as i wanted to be
close enough for me
to feel your heart beating fast
and stay here as i whisper
how i loved your peaceful eyes on me
did you ever know
that i had mine on you

eyes on me by faye wong

It's something Mystical

Thursday, May 13, 2004
withers away @ 11:25 pm

today's soccer match was so sad!! 1-nil.. me and lg were cheering like no one's business. in fact everyone was. and standing beside me are two really irritating rjcians. ok rjcians aren't irriating but i just feel v irritated when another sch is counter-cheering/jeering. me and lg were just trying to outshout them. sounds pretty stupid but i actually got quite worked up i wanted to bash them up. really really nothing against rjcians but just so happen we lost to them so yah. i believe wanxuan was getting irritated too haha. she stood beside them too. on the other side. but whatever the case, we've lost, we can't qualify anymore, but still i think the team tried their best:)
and there's something i really really have to say. i can't stand mervyn's hair!! oh my goodness i'm sorry but i just can't help but stare. ok enough of this. oh my.
pw session is another unfruitful one. in the sense that we didn't do pw. but i think it was fruitful in the sense that we all shared our views. i just can't believe what a nice and comfortable pw group i have. thank God for it haha:)
you haven't lost us. you haven't lost me. aren't i still your friend? aren't i still your best friend? you are still my best friend you know. you will never lose me because you live in my heart and i live in yours. to me i havent treated you differently. i'm just too caught up with stuff happening in school maybe. i'm sorry. i'm sorry i forgot to tell you the stuff i want to tell you about. i'm sorry i don't know how to help. i'm sorry i don't know what to do. but i just want to let you know that you never lost me and you never will.
bu guan jie ju zen me huai
wo hui yong gan cheng xia lai
yin wei ni ceng gei wo na me duo
meng li ye neng qu nuan

pai shan dao hai by a*mei

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, May 11, 2004
withers away @ 10:02 pm

oh.. blogger has this new look now.. still not v used to it.. but nvm.. i don't really feel like doing any work.. struggling with econs.. hahaz. guess it's just because we don't listen and the lecturer's style just doesnt's suit us. trying v hard to study. hahaz. for once. i can feel the motivation for studying coming. i hope. or maybe it's because i just got through another agonizing day including maths test, chem spa and teasing almost every second all thanks to lao gong. i didn't suffer that much before you came! hahaz. but anyway guess i'm just stressed because of lack of sleep. that's all folks. no need to get too worried or anything.
today's maths test was really screwed. i don't know how to do even the simpler questions. argh. during free period we slept in the dark LT. at least for me and lao gong. hahaz. chem spa was still ok. though it really didn't feel good having teachers staring at you while doing titration. after chem spa we went to the student lounge to just slack around. just feels nice having friends around to help me relax.
well i guess i better go mug econs again.
cause i always saw in you
my light, my strength
and i want to thank you now
for all the ways
you were right there for me
you were right there for me
for always

there you'll be

It's something Mystical

Sunday, May 09, 2004
withers away @ 10:47 pm

ok i think i sounded too stressed the other time i blogged. sort of got people worried and guilty that they were bugging me too much. but i don't feel bugged or stressed out because of you all talking to me about your problems and stuff. it's just my nature to do this. happened to see this again so shall post it here:
"the primary desire of the protector guardian [ISFJ] is to be of service to others, but here "service" means not so much furnishing others with the necessities of life, as guarding others against life's pitfalls and perils, that is, seeing to their safety and security... protectors find great satisfaction in assisting the downtrodden and can deal with disability and neediness in others better than any other type."
so there. it's me to listen and be there for you! hahaz. i have a "need to be needed" you know.. sounds quite weird but got all this from the MBTI test and sounds pretty true to me. so don't feel like you are a burden to me, don't feel like you are bothering me too much. nothing is too much. i'm always here to listen. and i know you people are always willing to listen too. so be rest assured i won't get myself too caught up with everything around me until i break down. i'm stressed, but not overly stressed. i just tend to grumble and complain alot that's all:) so, though i may not be able to make a sad you happy (like in the lyrics of shou hou by 5566 which i am going to type later), i'm at least there for you.
xing fu zou hou
qing ji de wo
wo hui jin wo quan tou
ba na shang xin dou gan zou
ni yao ji de
zhi shao hai you wo
yi zhi zai wei ni mo mo shou hou

shou hou by 5566

It's something Mystical

Saturday, May 08, 2004
withers away @ 12:22 am

today naughty joan didn't want to go sick bay. naughty. but eventually she went. just how many times have i told her that she needs sleep. don't believe me. or rather don't believe us, since so many of us were trying to persuade her. in the end she did miss a lot of lessons, but she is feeling better now i'm sure. so i have to make sure i know all my stuff so i can teach her. but where do i find the time to teach? argh. mon: pw and maths thinking prog. wed: lib duty. thurs: paint banner. but nvm dear i'll find time. we'll find time. somehow hahaz.
pe we played screaming laughing strolling soccer. oh well i guess we didn't expect the field to be so muddy. shoes need to be washed now. but it was a lot of fun. hahaz. after that i went for meeting regarding music night. to me things are quite screwed up. or maybe because i've never been in exco or anything like that before. i guess i'm sorta getting used to it. it's like i'm the last to know everything. i wonder why they put me, a j1, to be in charge. oh whatever.
after that i went to the canteen and saw lee kwang, casie and a few others left. we tried to start to do pw. but in the end it was more of a counselling session. but it was enjoyable. i'm so glad we are so comfortable in our pw group:) but we couldn't finish the whole thing, so we are going to do it on mon. we ran out of the gate just before it closed:)
oh well there are thousand and one stuff to do. let me try to list them (not in any order):
1. get ms ng to get the names of the teachers who want complimentary tix asap
2. get list of ticketing committe, somehow meet them and distribute tix to them
3. pw
4. buy cloth for banner
5. buy top up card
6. paint banner
7. go though lect notes on all subj, since i can't catch up for any of them
8. teach joan
9. complete all tutorial qns that are supposed to be done years ago
10. invite people to come for college day and music nite
11. study for maths test and chem spa
12. housekeeping (my file is damn thick and my papers are all in one stack)
13. practise guitar
14. read my lib books after i renewed them for dunno how many times
15. provide a listening ear to all
with pt no. 8 and 15 being the most important. i will try to mug. i need to. damnit.
lao gong, things don't look v good, it's difficult and almost impossible to be optimistic, it will be hard on you, but i will be there for you. i can't give you any advice or suggestion because you should know that there's nothing we can do. just looking on is difficult but. haiz i guess you get me.
everyone is getting stressed, i'm trying hard not to freak out because people need me just like i need people. sometimes i feel quite useless not being able to help. feel quite bad. looking at people i love like this hurts. haiz. getting emotionally out of hand again. damnit.
si xu bu duan zu dang zhe hui yi bo fang
mang mu de zhui xun reng ran kong kong dang dang
hui meng meng de ye wan
shui yi you bu zhi duo dao na li
yi zhuan shen gu dan yi tang zai shen pang

hui dao guo qu by jay

It's something Mystical

Thursday, May 06, 2004
withers away @ 10:42 pm

today is a damn stressed up day for me. ok i admit i just can't take the number of things that i have to handle now. the guitar ticketing stuff is all screwed up. at least lk is willing to do it with me. thanks^_^ or probably bcoz i'm the in charge and he so unfortuately is in ticketing too hahaz. econs case study was screwed up. argh. and pw discussion was v.. how should i put it... a lot of problems arised. or rather only one main one. argh. soccer match today was disappointing. quite. v. but i didnt watch the whole match. oh wellz. but one match doesn't mean everything. there's always room for improvement!:)
shall just put this short, since i need to do bio and my mum will kill me if i don't sleep early.
xi huan chang ge
dong ren de ge
ta rang wo huo de yi xie xin de
de bu dao
wo jiu fang diao
bu qu peng chu dao wo de xu yao

ren xing by sun yanzi

It's something Mystical

withers away @ 12:17 am

i blogged so much and my com had to hang. damn it. so i shant blog about what happened. i suppose thoughts and feelings are more important.
it was only when i came into jc did i realize that friendship is really essential in life. at some point in time, we need a particular someone to talk to. friends may not help us solve problems, and more often than not, they can't. because we are the ones leading our own lives. but all they can do is be there (how many times have i repeated this i wonder) and hopefully make us feel better.
there are many questions in life that cannot be answered. maybe not everything has a reason behind it after all. i don't have all the answers. all i have are a pair of ears and shoulders to lend. borrow them whenever you need them.
wo xiang dui ni hao
ni cong lai bu zhi dao
xiang ni xiang ni
ye neng cheng wei shi hao

dang ni by cyndi

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, May 04, 2004
withers away @ 2:30 pm

well me and lao gong are in the lib now using the computers.. feeling quite bored.. joan and weepz went to do pw. i wonder when is lk going to do something about our pw group hahaz. anyway why did i start to blog now? nothing much to blog about since i blogged ytd. hmm. ok i shall go. i'm quite mad..
who knows what miracles
you can achieve
when you believe
somehow you will
you will when you believe

when you believe

It's something Mystical

withers away @ 12:00 am

well let's see what happened today.. joan didn't come to sch! sobz! but i survived. just hope she's fine. and during contact we had a talk by mr lim swee say and somehow i felt like listening. but couldn't really hear anything.. and something really so interesting happened during the talk i heard.. so happy! hahaz.. didn't expect it to be like this. so funny.
during maths we had a super hard time trying to find an empty classroom. we walked from tc block to tb to tc to tb and back to i dunno where. hahaz. mr lee said he's going to live in the jungle for a while and asked us to sort of fend for ourselves for the next 2 tutorials this week hahaz. i wonder how are the tutorials going to turn out. hahaz.
after that lao gong and i had a small little talk in the library. hmmm. ok don't want to talk about it. not much of a conclusion anyway.
later met up with weepz and gang though they were so damn late. ate so much food and it was actually raining. so decided that we shall not go for heats. ate more food. who knows the rain stopped and the heats were not affected. but the track was so damn wet. but still ran. both lao gong and i got 3rd. after that stoned in sch until 7. i have picked up the bad habit of going home late. lying more to my mum. haiz. i just feel better in sch. or should i say i feel better when i'm with my friends. being so lame and all just deprives me of the time to think about stuff i shouldn't be thinking about.
i really don't want to give any advice at this point in time. what's important is to sit down and just think. keep calm, don't feel guilty and just think through. it's a damn important decision, you know it, and i don't think i want to jie4 ru4 too much into it. it's your life. i will just be there no matter what happens. though we don't even have the time to meet or talk. i'm just so glad that there are other people around you. and that you are not alone. i'm sorry i can't meet you everyday. physical constraints aren't something we can control but. well anyway really take care of yourself.
shei neng ti dai ni lai pin cou
wo san luo yi di de mei meng
zai ting bu jian ni shuo ai wo
without your love
without your love

without your love by 5566

It's something Mystical

Saturday, May 01, 2004
withers away @ 11:51 pm

well thurs met ch to give him chem notes. and mb saw him too. and after that we went back to ny to see the 2 mrs wongs. i had to go back to see the bio one since she was pregnant. and we forgot to ask how many months was it. doink. and both of them remember el so "fondly". hahaz. i had 4X100m heats. actually i was only involved in 100m, but sishan couldn't run so i replaced her. it's been a super long time since i last ran, and i was actually quite nervous. kept asking lao gong about how to pass the baton and stuff. we actually ran 4th. not too bad i guess, but not good enough to get into finals. it was getting v late, but didn't bother to go home. waited for the guys to finish running first before rushing home.
fri. shan't talk about what happened on the bus. i was just stunned. sad. i thought it wouldn't come. but it did. haiz. during pe i dunno what came over me. we played basketball and i scored so many goals.. more than how many i scored over the past years. hahaz. after that weepz, jc, em and i went to tch because jc needed to hand in some form. they brought us to their classroom. it was locked but jc climbed in through the window and opened the door. we switched on the aircon, sat down, talked and cooled ourselves down. they kept talking about the numerous stories in tch.. hahaz.. but it was really quite interesting. they brought us to certain places and then we decided to go back, since it was already 6+ and nj choir concert starts at 7.30. we went back, took our bags slacked around for awhile and went out to take the bus. it was getting really late and we decided to take our dinner into vch to eat. i guess we didn't really have a choice. so we frantically went to change, grab our dinner, buy a flower and walked super super fast to vch. but in the end we still didn't make it on time. qy called/msg sum to say tt the concert has already started and they closed the doors. so we missed the first song. was quite surprised to see mervyn there hahaz. didn't know he was doing cip. when they let us in i was trying so hard not to make too much noise while eating. though i know i was still quite disruptive. or rather we were. many of us were eating. but no choice i was so damn hungry. i love the way the j2s sang "over the rainbow". the way they reached the high notes were fantasic. during intermission cyn called me and we went and met so many choiristers. hugged a few of them. seeing them just brings back my memories about ny choir. oh my.. but it was really nice to meet up with them. music bonds us together. hahaz. well overall i enjoyed the concert^_^ after the concert i didn't feel like going home, so the whole gang of us: weepz, sum, qy, jc, weizong (weepz and jc's friend from hc), joan, em and i went to find some place to sit down and talk. well didn't talk a lot since i was tired. how could i feel when i slept at 2 on thurs? hahaz. but just didn't feel like going home. if not for fear that i would have no bus to go home, i wouldn't have left at 11.30++. well sum and em left first so that they could catch the bus. jc left too. i waited for the train for so damn long, and through the reflection of the glass, guess what? i saw weepz, joan, qy and weizong. hahaz. what the. there was no point in me leaving early. they all looked so shocked when they saw that i was still there hahaz. weizong happened to take the same side of the train as me. we talked throughout the trip. friendly guy. at least for once someone takes the train together with me after a concert. after i alighted i went to the bus stop to check out the timings for the last buses. thank goodness the last bus for 74 is at 0030. if not i probably would have to hop onto a cab for 2 bus stops' distance. though a cab to me isn't all that safe too. but walking is worse. hahaz. but anyway caught the 74 and reached home at around 12.05? nearly went to bed without bathing hahaz. totally forgot about it. when i went to bed it was around 12.30. damn late. but still didn't want to sleep. dunno why. keep thinking back about what happened. felt damn bad.
now that things have turned out to be like this, i don't know what to do. i start looking back at how difficult everything was, and how things managed to turn out well, and now. actually i feel v hurt to. the worst thing is i don't know what to do to help. i'm sorry. i can only be there for you. both of you.
somehow i feel lost. i don't know why. maybe i just can't accept the fact. but at least i feel better than ytd. ytd was probably the first day i really really wanted to drink. not until drunk but i just wanted to drink. damnit.
duo xiang yao xiang guo qu gao bie
dang ji jie bu ting geng die
que yong yuan shao yi dian jian jue
zai zhe ji mo de ji jie

ji mo de ji jie by tao zhe

It's something Mystical